You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
