I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
