well I can't set my house on fire every night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
