And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
