I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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