I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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