i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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