If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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