forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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