Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
