Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
