he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
