If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
