If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
my liver is dry heaving
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
