giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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