I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
