the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
