As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
