you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
