Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
