im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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