he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
