I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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