$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
