hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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