Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
