Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
