The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my liver is dry heaving
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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