Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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