Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
