I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
