sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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