Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
