I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
