weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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