Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't trust your balls anymore.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
