I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
