I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
