to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
