I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
