I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
