I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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