just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
