he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
