I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
