turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
