nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
