I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
