dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
