I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Randomize
