Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
